13 Jun

I’m feeling blue, gray, or whatever you call a sad feeling. I feel bad today because I just feel so useless.

I just feel down not for normal reasons, like yes, I don’t have a car, and am currently without a job. But right now, I just feel like I’m not contributing enough to the world, ya know. I want to make a difference, and I don’t feel I’m doing that. It seems that I’m so powerless…

I guess I feel powerless….mainly because I want to be in control of something. I guess I just don’t feel in control of my life. I can’t just do what I want to do. Like the song says, I don’t want to offend anyone with my ideas or think only of myself, but I want to bring my thoughts out and spread them! The best way would be to say what I want, but how? I want to make a difference somehow. For the first time, this journal can’t help me. It’s not effective enough. How many people really read this? I want to use youtube, because that’s the easiest way to get my ideas out and discuss it with others, but I have no money for a camera. I’m struggling with that. It’s not fair. I have ideas and thoughts that I think would be effective. There’s also something I’ve been aching to change in my school…like the over-priced books…but I don’t know where to begin. My college charges students far too much. Why? Thy are ripping them off by not only charging them for the book, but the software and workbooks that come with it that should be coming separately. But I guess they have to make money somehow. But I’m tired of it.

Then there’s the entertainment thing going on. And while trivial and mundane to some people, it’s just something I feel I have to address. I keep getting this need to speak out and reform the hypocrites of my time…

I want to speak out on rape victims, and help them and do something about it!

I want to do these things to help the world. But what can I do? I’m just a small voice. No one listens to me. I don’t make sense to anyone. How many people really listen to my message here? Pah! If you happen to run across my titles while searching on yahoo or google, maybe. Or happen to see the small link on my youtube channel, maybe. Or happen to be a friend on my facebook, maybe. But even they don’t care to listen to my voice.

I want to speak out about Asians, and how they are stereotyped and ignored in American entertainment and political involvement…

Any race or color or culture, I want to speak up for. I want to spread my ideas of unifying the world, not dividing it. It’s natural to go for my own black, but what about whites who are stereotyped by the media and other blacks? What about the true history of black and white, and the separation of today between the brainwash of the "leaders" of America who taught us their version of history without the same advancements to do research.

I want to encourage opening one’s mind…I just want to make more of a difference than sitting here and typing on this journal when no one will listen….

Maybe my chance will come when I become a teacher…I can’t wait until that day. I want to share and exchange ideas with the world…But I need that medium now!

~Over and Out~


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